Marriage Equality and Gay Pride

I'm thrilled that the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality in that state.  I am worried that the issue will move the Presidential candidates into fractious debates on the Republicans domestic "axis of evil" -- homosexuality, abortion, and activist judges.  If that is the case,  gay men and lesbians will  once again have to hear their lives debated negatively and experience the hateful backlash.   As Gore Vidal once said, "homosexuals are the only minority it is socially acceptable to hate."

The New York Times reported today that McCain did not mention the ruling yesterday.  He doesn't want to be dragged into that debate right now but we can be assured that McCain will mention it when he feels he needs to whip up the base.  Or, he will have his spiritual adviser, John Hagee, mention it.  Over and over and over.  And debate monitors, bereft of ideas and creativity, will mention it.  Obama noted the ruling favorably and moved on.  Good for him.

As we move into summer and the annual Gay Pride Parades all over the country it may be time for gay and lesbian organizations to rethink these parades.  If Gay Pride Parades are meant to celebrate being gay and lesbian they are held in an environment that does not share in the celebration.  If the parades are intended to affirm identity as gay or lesbian then they perpetuate outsider status at a time we want to be viewed as no different than the majority.  If the aim of these parades is to cement our common bond as gay men and lesbians then they fail.  The commonality we share is discrimination.

In between annual Gay Pride Parades the hard work of advancing equality for gay men and lesbians is done by a handful of organizations working on a shoestring (I exclude HRC from that list).  If the 400,000 or so gay men and lesbians and their supporters who march in NYC in June would each give $5.00 to Lambda Legal Defense or their state equality organization or a local group that is working with gay and lesbian teens they would have a lot more to celebrate in the coming years.  If each one of those marchers broke the silence and came out to their family, friends and co-workers and got it over with that would be something to celebrate.   And if the organizers of these parades across the country brought millions of people together on the Mall in Washington, D.C. to march for civil rights that would be something to celebrate.  Some say we can have  "pride" parades and Dykes On Bikes and marching gay firefighters and cops, and mommies pushing baby carriages and PFLAG, and  we can have Lambda Legal Defense and similar organizations.  Sure we can.  But preserving "gay identity"  at parades at the same time we want to increase our ability to be treated as fairly as heterosexuals continues the image that we are separate and apart.  Gay Pride Parades perpetuate stereotypes and change nothing.  

Most gay men and lesbians must consider their sexual orientation and their place in heterosexual society when they go for a job interview, sign up for a mortgage, meet someone new, consider health insurance as a couple, want to adopt, move into an all heterosexual neighborhood, and so on.  Then "gay identity" is very much in evidence only because of the discrimination we encounter.   There is no "gay agenda," there is no "gay lifestyle."  Every resource we can muster should be going into ending discrimination.  The resources that go into launching Gay Pride Parades -- and it is significant in some cities -- should be diverted to more meaningful goals.

Discrimination against Californians who wish to marry ended there yesterday.  The backlash has begun.  The resources that will go into Gay Pride Parades in California should be diverted to preserving this historic decision.  I think that the transvestites who took on the cops at the Stonewall and spawned annual Gay Pride Parades ever since would agree.



Display:


Now, I am waiting with baited breath (none / 0)

for some leadership on this issue ...


If you follow history with a long enough arc, things always get better, and the truth always prevails...Gandhi
by SevenStrings on Fri May 16, 2008 at 11:48:38 AM EST

Re: Marriage Equality and Gay Pride (none / 0)

Well, I'm not gay, so perhaps I'm in a poor position to comment, but I think that gays should have equality AND celebrations -- and there will be a lot to celebrate this summer in California!


by markjay on Fri May 16, 2008 at 11:57:21 AM EST

Re: Marriage (none / 0)

Obama should make gay issues a strong part of his platform


by WolfmanJack on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:02:21 PM EST

Civil rights (none / 0)

Equal rights for all is a central part of his platform.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:04:16 PM EST
[ Parent ]

And so is that Donnie guy =) (none / 0)


If you follow history with a long enough arc, things always get better, and the truth always prevails...Gandhi
by SevenStrings on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:11:49 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Huh? No... (none / 0)

Dude just sang some gospel, he's not a fixture of a platform.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:30:12 PM EST
[ Parent ]

I don't get it. (2.00 / 2)

You want gays to fight discrimination by... staying in the closet?  By being "house gays" and avoiding the spotlight?

Why can't they give to all the defense funds AND go to the parades?  In a year where the old smear tactics are proving to be failures, you think that the best path is to huddle in the corner and hope that the right wing doesn't notice gays? Got news for you: the right wingers hated gays before gays stood up for themselves, too.

I strongly urge LGBT folks to ignore anyone that tells you that you shouldn't celebrate who you are.  If there were parades for straight nerdy white guys who aren't into Star Trek, I'd probably march in those.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:03:49 PM EST

Re: I don't get it. (none / 0)

tekkies shouldn't be able to marry and spawn!

(kidding........maybe)


by citizendave on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:26:22 PM EST
[ Parent ]

No, don't kid on that (none / 0)

Trekkies shouldn't spawn.

Babylon 5 is where it's at.

Check out my Vorlon swimsuit calendar.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:31:21 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: I don't get it. (none / 0)

Apparently you read what you wanted to read.  I would rather see millions of gay men and lesbians march on D.C. -- as I wrote -- then do isolated gay pride parades all over the country.  The California Supreme Court decision is a celebration -- as I wrote.  Dykes on bikes is not.


by Kate Stone on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:41:16 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Sure, but why not all of it? (none / 0)

Why disrespect a year's worth of Pride planning?  These local events are important for local communities.  Heck, I go to the Minneapolis Pride festival just for the camraderie and overpriced cheese curds, despite not being gay.

A Million Man-on-Man March on Washington is a good idea, but there's no reason that it has to be instead of local events.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:44:21 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Sure, but why not all of it? (none / 0)

I don't think the parades are relevant anymore.  They used to be but no longer.  As I wrote, I would rather see all the significant resources in launching these parades in Minneapolis and NYC and San Francisco and all over the country poured into organizations -- state and local -- that are carrying the water right now and have few resources to do it.


by Kate Stone on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:03:20 PM EST
[ Parent ]

What's not relevant about them? (none / 0)

We have Fourth of July parades, St. Patrick's Day parades, war protest parades, and Cinco De Mayo parades.

What's not relevant?


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:09:12 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: What's not relevant about them? (none / 0)

I wouldn't put a march against the war in with Cinco De Mayo.  Gay Pride Parades are not civil rights marches unless you think a gay man in a leather mask and cod piece licking the boot of a motorcycle is expressing his civil right to do so. Gay Pride Marches, IMO, celebrate the stereotypical "lifestyle" that the right froths about. I think the parades are totally out of touch.


by Kate Stone on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:45:16 PM EST
[ Parent ]

You miss the point. (none / 0)

They're all parades.  Parades are there to be a celebration of something, or a way to get a message out.

Gay pride is the same as Irish pride on St. Patty's or veterans' pride on Memorial Day.  

You might see them as "out of touch," but there are a lot of normal, rank and file people out there that spend the entire year planning their parade costumes or performance.  I don't see any reason to take that from them just because you find it tacky or useless.  

Pardon my impertinance, but I find your attitude to be "out of touch."  I've seen plenty of these parades, and while it's not my cup of tea, exactly, everyone seems to have a good time and don't hurt anyone.

Freedom and inclusion, I think that, in the end, these parades are important to the culture.  Without them, your Million Gay March idea would never fly in the first place.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:52:58 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Marriage Equality and Gay Pride (none / 0)

Interesting.  As a gay man, I have always noted the schizophrenia of Pride parades with some concern.  Is it a civil rights demonstration or a celebration of self-expression?  It's the self-expression that always seems to make it onto the evening news, which does us no favors.  I suppose, being a more uptight person than many gay friends I have, I would rather we were a little less shocking while the cameras are rolling, but that's just me...


No politician ever lost an election because he underestimated the intelligence of the American public. - PT Barnum, paraphrased...
by jarhead5536 on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:22:43 PM EST

Re: Marriage Equality and Gay Pride (none / 0)

the self expression that takes place at events
such as mardi gras and the likes are accepted and celebrated. why not at pride events? (rhetorical question)
by citizendave on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:31:32 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Marriage Equality and Gay Pride (none / 0)

Because, simply, folks that are predisposed to look upon the GLBT community as "other" already have serious negative pre-conceived notions about what we do when no one is looking.  Parading about in drag, leather and thongs may be lots of fun for some, but it reinforces negative stereotypes and is not representative of our community in total.

Mardi Gras, OTOH, only reinforces the notion that "Geez, people get crazy when they're drunk, don't they?"


No politician ever lost an election because he underestimated the intelligence of the American public. - PT Barnum, paraphrased...
by jarhead5536 on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:38:53 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Marriage Equality and Gay Pride (none / 0)

you are correct, of coarse, but i've always admired people that don't need to get drunk to have a good time and i've always had a good time at events where there was a majority representation of lgbt(did i fuck that up?) persons.

(not that theres anything wrong with being drunk)


by citizendave on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:53:38 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Eh, don't sweat it. (none / 0)

People like an excuse to just let loose for a day.  Some would say that the Irish shouldn't have been as open as they are on St. Patrick's Day at the turn of the century (damn gingers!), but eventually the public at large got over it.

It's a normal part of the process.  The parades, as goofy and perhaps embarassing as they are, wear down on bigotry.  After awhile, they stop being shocking, and people who grew up with such things begin to wonder why their parents freaked out about them.

As a total geek, I can relate.  When I was growing up in the '80s, Geraldo Rivera and Phil Donohue were kind enough to suggest that Dungeons & Dragons turned kids into cult killers.  There were kids on my block that weren't allowed to play role-playing games because they were demonic in nature.  Going to conventions was like a total catharsis in not having to hide my preferences.

Now, in a startling turn of culture, gamer references show up on shows like The Colbert Report or even some mainstream shows like The X-Files with fair frequency.

It's unfortunate that gays haven't had so easy a transition.


In this avalanche, the pebbles get to vote.

That One/Another Fella '08

by Dracomicron on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:40:52 PM EST
[ Parent ]

I think everyone should be free to express (none / 0)

themselves without worrying that it will offend people's prejudices.  Recced nonetheless for raising the issue.


by JJE on Fri May 16, 2008 at 12:55:57 PM EST

Re: I think everyone should be free to express (none / 0)

Where you are on this depends on what kind of gay person you are.  There are assimilationists ("We are just like everyone else, we want the same things you do") and expressionists ("I demand that you adapt and accept me in all my unique fabulousness").


No politician ever lost an election because he underestimated the intelligence of the American public. - PT Barnum, paraphrased...
by jarhead5536 on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:50:55 PM EST
[ Parent ]

parades have been used (none / 0)

as a symbol of solidarity within the community and a show of force for many different marginalized groups in this country.

In NYC, there are tons of parades.

The Puerto Rican day parade has had some problems. People see it as "ghetto" because of some of the things that have happened in the past, but I am sure a majority of people dont think Puerto Ricans are "ghetto" because of a few people acting stupid at a parade.  And not everyone that goes is Puerto Rican.

On St. Patty's day in the city, everyone gets wasted, cops and firefighters included. Does that mean all Irish people are drunks? As much as its a joke to say so, I dont think anyone thinks the actions of people on St. Patty's day reflects among all Irish people.  Also, not everyone who celebrates St. Patty's day is Irish.

The same is true in NYC.  I know plenty of people who go to the Pride parade who arent in the LGBT community, but they are supporters, or just enjoy it.  They celebrate afterwards or before hand. And people do go a bit crazy.  Is it a reflection of the entire gay community? Is everyone a raging expressionist?  Does everyone act that way on a daily basis? No.  Most of the people that go live normal lives every day. They wake up in the morning, pee first thing like the rest of the people on Earth, have their coffeee tea or whatever, and then go to work, come back and watch tv like everyone else.


vote blue in 2008
by sepulvedaj3 on Fri May 16, 2008 at 01:50:18 PM EST


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